The Toast

Songs That Sound Like Summer

Fri, 24 May 2013 05:31:17 -0400

Memorial Day Weekend is upon us, and while here in New York the sequester has managed to cancel Fleet Week, the long weekend still marks the unofficial start to the season of Summer. The season of barbeques, and ice cold bottles sweating in the shade,…

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Jack Reacher “Reaches” for a HitIt started as a...

Thu, 23 May 2013 05:49:41 -0400

Jack Reacher “Reaches” for a Hit

It started as a normal grocery shopping trip with a stop at the local Redbox, but it all went…

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The Collection – ReviewOriginally posted at The Scream Queen...

Thu, 16 May 2013 05:10:13 -0400

The Collection – Review

Originally posted at The Scream Queen Terror Blog

Like the villain you thought you finished off…

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Top Wrestling Matches (In My View) From 2011In an attempt to...

Thu, 09 May 2013 05:17:57 -0400

Top Wrestling Matches (In My View) From 2011

In an attempt to continue my thoughts on ring psychology, I decided to tell you what I thought were…

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Ke$ha the Warrior Pop Star - Album ReviewOk, I’ll admit, I’m not...

Tue, 07 May 2013 05:06:36 -0400

Ke$ha the Warrior Pop Star - Album Review

Ok, I’ll admit, I’m not always the most open minded person when it comes to music, especially when…

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Yeah, it's Daniel Hernandez. I use Tumblr. I post a lot of weird stuff. ;v;

Mon, 06 May 2013 22:07:34 -0400

That’s not exactly a question, now is it?

Questioning the Legitimacy of Online Publishing and Blogging

Mon, 06 May 2013 05:03:13 -0400

Sometimes people look at me funny when I tell them that I am a published writer. Not so much about my book Ten Years Gone: Pomp and Circumstance (though they do question my credibility with I tell them it’s only available digitally and not in…

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Man on the Moon (1999)

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 05:02:15 -0400

It had been several years since I last watched Man on the Moon starring Jim Carey, Danny DeVito, Courtney Love, and Paul Giamatti and directed by Milos Foreman. I remember vividly when the movie came out in 1999 and the press that Jim Carrey was getting…

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From Brandon Melendez’s Nerd’s Eye View at...

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 11:42:52 -0400

From Brandon Melendez’s Nerd’s Eye View at http://www.brandonmelendez.wordpress.com we get the Boy Meets World Spin-Off We Deserve.

Child's Play- Street Fighter

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 06:39:00 -0400

by Brandon Melendez

There are few rules. No referees. No witnesses, save one, the record keeper. The giant statue behind them lies indifferently on her side, as if watching the scene before her as she might watch an ant scurry off with a crumb. The man before him is a figure much more imposing; much taller, much wider, and with a meaner look to his face. Sweat is glistening on his confident, smug brow as he dances with his taped fists up. His muscles bulging, his exposed chest baring the body length scar the quiet, collected fighter dealt him in their first encounter.

The young Japanese man in the white gi, with his red bandanna holding back his unruly brown hair, stands still, eerily still, as he sizes up the monster before him. This rematch was long in coming, and his opponent has done little to better himself. The young man stares at the imposing beast before him and looks him in his one eye. Muscles trained to obedience and discipline over a lifetime of chasing perfect explode as the young man takes to the air, whirling like a hurricane of kicks; the taller figure leaps amazingly over his head. Ryu comes to a stop and stares at Sagat. Sagat snarls and attempts to catch his opponent’s jaw. Ryu dodges, squints defiantly, and enters a world within his own soul. Ryu is calm, collected, serene. He cups his hands together and gathers all his qi into a ball made manifest and hurls it at Sagat. “HADOUKEN!” Sagat slumps to the floor with a loud thud, and then there is only Ryu and the rustling of the wind in the blades of grass.

Street Fighter. It’s the definitive fighting game. It is without a doubt the archetype for the success of the entire genre. I don’t care what franchise, what spin on the genre, weapons, no weapons, whatever—with the notable exception of boxing games—there is no fighting game that exists today that doesn’t owe Street Fighter its life. Initially, the franchise of fighters was really nothing to get overly excited with. Punch, punch, kick, punch. The games with the best fighting action were usually sidescrollers like Double Dragon or River City Ransom.

Honestly, even the first Street Fighter wasn’t really anything special. In my life, the game is something of a rarity…I always remember myself wondering why I never saw it in the arcade. As a matter of fact, I distinctly remember from all of my bowling alley and skating rink experiences as a young lad, wondering if, in fact, the name of Street Fighter II actually had more to do with the number of possible players than a designation in a series (though in much simpler terminology). The reason most people probably didn’t see it at the time was because, for some unknown reason, the game was ported to the US as “Fighting Street” which, for me, illustrates a very different game in which you control an earthquake. The other reason the first Street Fighter is so rare is because, well, it’s not really that good. Its OK, at best. You control Ryu through the game, unless you are challenged by a second player, then a clone named Ken shows up. So there was no choice, the only difference between Ryu and Ken was aesthetic. What was unique to Street Fighter, and would eventually revolutionize the genre in its sequel, were two distinct innovations: The six button configuration (three intensities of punches and kicks) and a system that allowed certain button combinations to bring forth “special attacks”.

In the form of “special attacks”, the genre was changed twofold—combinations and shooting shit from your hands. Before the original Street Fighter, nobody did that in fighting games. Mario did it when he ate that trippy flower, Mega Man and Samus did it—but they had guns attached to their arms. This was groundbreaking. It created a situation where you could have true long range attack in the game, and it added a mystical element. It remains, to this day, an intriguing choice to add magical balls of energy to a genre that, besides football, was most heavily entrenched in reality. All the same, even with these innovations, Street Fighter was not as successful as it might have been, and, for the most part, was never mentioned again.

Street Fighter II on the other hand…well, Street Fighter II was a force to be reckoned with. It still is. I think I will get little argument from the masses when I say that Street Fighter II is the standard to which all fighters afterwards have to be compared. The game set the standard so high, had such a replay factor, such a competitive edge, and such a variability of play that it is still ported to every system that comes out. There are actually many versions of this game, as it seemed Capcom was an amazingly stubborn beast and refined the game engine over the duration of my childhood.

In recent years, this practice has become increasingly apparent on the part of Capcom as they release a highly anticipated game, and then re-release it annually with a slightly tweaked system and a few new characters. While nowadays this is formulaic, expected, and something of a blatant money grab, back in my day, each new iteration of Street Fighter II actually did have something to offer. The control responses got tighter. More special moves were added. Yes, characters were added, too, but most of all, the game got better. Playing straight-up Street Fighter II was a different experience than, say, Street Fighter II Turbo (which is the SNES version of the game I had), or eventually in Championship Edition or the New Challengers.

The game also had something of a story to it—in this game, the evil M. Bison (or Balrog if you live in Japan) has set up a Street Fighter tournament in order to help him take over the world somehow. In order to complete his nefarious plot to somehow take over the world in this way, he has enlisted the help of washed up boxer named Balrog (or M. Bison if you live in Japan—get it? M. Bison?? Sounds kinda like George Forman doesn’t it?); a vain, masked cage fighter by the name of Vega (who uses a Wolverine claw); and Sagat, the boss from Street Fighter (aka Fighting Street). With his forces so well stacked to, umm, beat people up in the street, M. Bison squared off against an group representing at least six flags from IHOP (E. Honda and Ryu are both Japanese, Ken and Guile are both American).

Each character had their own little story to tell. Chun Li was an Interpol agent with a vendetta. Guile was a U.S. Military man with a vendetta. Blanka was a…Blanka, probably with a vendetta. Dhalsim was a yoga master who also fought for some reason and had stretchy powers. There was Zangief (from the USSR, even after it was just Russia) a wrestler (WITH A VENDETTA). E. Honda a sumo wrester who can turn himself into a torpedo. And there’s still more! There is, of course, Ken and Ryu. Ken, no longer a mean clone of Ryu, now handled a little faster than Ryu and had a more powerful dragon-punch (SHORYUKEN!) whereas Ryu was more powerful and dealt a harder Hadouken (HADOUKEN). Ken’s story was, I think, to get back “in the game” while Ryu’s remains the same as it always has…to be the best.

Later games would introduce playable versions of the bosses, and the new challengers would even bring Cammy, T. Hawk, Fei Long, and Dee Jay. Each was a racial or cultural stereotype that was sorely lacking in the game’s programming and inherent narrative. The addition of a silent and powerful Mexican Native American, a would-be Bruce Lee, a blonde white girl, and a dancing Jamaican finally brought SFII to where it needed to be in its political correctness. Except, of course, for the missing element.

AKUMA.

I’ll say it again.

AKUMA.

Akuma was the third character in the series to be introduced that used the style of fighting that Ken and Ryu practiced—in fact, he is the younger brother of their Sensei. While later additions like Dan and Sakura would also produce their own variations of the style (and Chun Li would produce her own bastard Hadouken technique), Akuma’s version was downright brutal and unmistakably dark. Having succumb to what would later be described as “The Dark Hado”, his name is Japanese for Devil or Demon, and in Japan he is known as Gouki—great demon. Akuma was a bonus character that appeared when a specific set of criteria were met in Super Street Fighter II Turbo—he shows up right before the M. Bison fight, fucks him up before the fight starts, and then squares off against you before there’s enough time to process the event. It’s always a thrill (and in later games like Marvel vs. Capcom I’ll sometimes choose Akuma, Ken, and Ryu as a team just for fun).

All in all, there’s really nothing in the fighting world that can claim to have the impact of the Street Fighter series. Mortal Kombat may lay its claim to blood, Virtual Fighter to 3D scenarios, Soul Caliber may lay its claim to Yoda, and Tekken to combos and chains, but all those games would be for naught if not for Street Fighter—the Street Fighter II sub-series specifically. To be completely clear, this game was so over, so mainstream, that it had an awful movie starring Jean Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia (sadly in his last role). It was so over, so mainstream that the movie based on the game had a game based on the movie based on the game. The game based on the movie based on the movie based on the game had a cartoon based on the game based on the movie based on the game. You get it? It’s pop culture…when people say fighting game, they think Street Fighter II.

HADOUKEN!

The Dao of Ninjape- Antebellum

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 06:11:41 -0400

The Dao of Ninjape- Antebellum

The American in the Great American Novel

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 06:06:00 -0400

Happy Independence Day, Flakes!

Y’know, here at Eat Your Serial we are all about the Great American Novel. At this very moment, we’ve got twelve of them in the process of getting prepped to go to “press” (as it were) so we can launch our e-book store. Now you might say, “Brandon, not all the Eat Your Serial authors are American!” You’d be right, but that’s not the point. The point is that in our hearts, in our souls, we are a storytelling people. It’s in our melting pot blood.

There is a great tradition of storytelling in the American experience. In fact, some of our most quintessentially Americana moments are defined by authors like Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, and Harper Lee. Some of our most scathing reviews come from the minds of writers like James Baldwin, Harriet Beecher Stowe, and Alex Haley. Our strongest critiques can be found in the pages of Robert A. Heinlein, or Ray Bradbury.

We have always, through our storytellers, found the sheen of our greatness as well as the dinge of our failures, and paraded them around just the same. Why? Because we enjoy the stories. When one looks at the Star Spangled Banner (a wonderful poem, but a terrible song by the way), it is unlike many other national anthem in that it is a story more than a sentiment. It tells the tale of Francis Scott Key, the author, witnessing the Battle at Fort McHenry during the War of 1812 (200 years ago this year, you’ll note). While the British attacked the Fort, Key was inspired by the defiance of the American character—the Song is taken from the poem “The Defiance of Fort McHenry,” in fact. The colorful and descriptive lyrics of the song do not speak of the grandeur of the land or the glory of the figureheads, but rather tells a tale of military battle, waged through the night, and despite all the odds and fiery doom, come morning our flag was still there. It is this spirit that we choose to put forward in our Anthem; at the start of our important events like Inaugurations and World Championships. Not the abstract glory, but a single defining moment to share. We show the world this story as an example of our existence; our individual members, working in concert, thus becoming a metaphor for our national identity.

In many ways, our authors and their stories are our immortal ambassadors to the world. The hard work and craft our authors put into their novels, short stories, poems, and essays are a window into our home. The words travel far; they change language, but always express the same core intent. When a writer takes the time to translate the American experience into written word, it helps form that concept, and sometimes the initial and only one that the rest of the world has of us. Pre-dating the movie Western by far, our image has always been defined by how we write about ourselves. Sure, we’re cowboys now, we’re Jersey Shore now, but we’re still Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer, and Ben Franklin. Uncle Tom’s Cabin is still one of the most internationally popular books in print; it’s important that we realize that we are still defined by stories based on events very much in our past.

We’re still perceived as these rough around the edges, uncouth, and crass stereotypes formed in the 19th Century. We’re perceived as slow to change, proud to a fault, stubborn, and arrogant. At times, we most certainly are, but we are also perceived as innovators. We are perceived as opportunists in the best sense of the word. We are initiative. We are crafty. We are both Tom Sawyer whitewashing the fence and Uncle Tom being sold down the river. All of our best and all of our worst are served up for our consumption, and we always have plenty left for the world to take in to judge us by. So on this day, the celebration of our national independence, take a moment to think about the stories told about us and the stories we tell about ourselves as an American collective. Put down your red elephant and your blue donkey, your white picket sign. We shuld remember that we are not only the Americans who write the Great American Novel but we also are the Americans in the Great American Novel—and despite our differences at home, we all get perceived together through that vehicle. It’s a great thing, and at Eat Your Serial, we’re glad to be a part of that tradition.

Enjoy the fireworks!

_____________________

Brandon Melendez

Media Director

Eat Your Serial, Inc.

That's What She Said- 10 Ways to Piss Off a Barista

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 06:28:28 -0400

If you fancy yourself a writer, chances are you have spent some time writing in a coffee shop. You, sitting there with your Macbook Pro, typing away while the other customers are most assuredly peeking at you over their newspapers thinking, “Wow, they must be writing the next great American novel! And I get to watch!”

I’m not judging. I’ve done it, too. Sometimes the walls of my apartment start to close in and I have to get out before I go crazy. I try to focus on writing and all I can see are dirty dishes, unwashed laundry, smudged mirrors, and the sad faces of my dogs begging for love and attention.

If this doesn’t make you sad then you have no soul.

But while I’ve spent my fair share of time publicly writing the next great American novel, I’ve also spent a significant amount of time on the other side of the bar as a barista (a fledgling writer working in a coffee shop? No! Go on!). If your barista is somewhat grumpy, it’s entirely possible that it has nothing to do with you. Maybe they’re having a bad day, maybe their cat is sick, maybe they got another publishing rejection letter because they didn’t think to submit to Eat Your Serial’s short story contest. Perhaps it has nothing to do with you.

However.

Sometimes it’s not your barista. Sometimes it’s you. Check the following list and find out if you’re guilty of any of these practices, which could cause your barista to kill you off in her next book.

1. Show up before the coffee shop opens.

It seems like fairly simple logic: if the open sign is turned off and the current time is outside the posted hours, the shop isn’t open. On a few occasions when I was a barista, I’d have customers wander in and demand (because no one asks nicely anymore) coffee while I was still counting the register and the chairs were all still up on the tables. Not wanting to turn away business, I’d serve them, but I hit my limit the day one of the customers said rudely, “Um, just so you know, your open sign is off. Did you know that?”

Yes, yes I did. Idiot.

2. Take twenty minutes to order during the morning rush.

Unless you’ve never heard of coffee before, you most likely have a general idea of what you like to drink when you visit a coffee shop. What drove me up a wall were the customers who stood in line staring at the menu but when they got up to the register and I asked them what they would like to drink, they stared at me as if I had just asked them to recite the periodic table backwards. In Aramaic.

3. Ask for a job during the morning rush. The coffee shop I worked in was located near a high school and one morning during a particularly busy rush, one of the high school kids started banging on the counter and shouted, “Hey! HEY!” When I looked over at him he asked, “Are you hiring?” Not anymore, sparky.

4. Actually, anything during a rush other than politely ordering your coffee. If I have a line of six or seven coffee cups at the espresso machine during a rush, I don’t really have time to deal with you repeating, “But I just really need a banana!” over and over even though I’ve already explained to you that we don’t carry fresh fruit, but there’s a grocery store literally one hundred feet from our front door.

Pictured: Not here.

5. Screw up your own drink order.

You are a special snowflake with very specific likes and dislikes. You, of all people, should know what these are and be able to correctly order your own coffee. I once had a girl come in and spend ten minutes ordering her coffee and tweaking it to her exact specifications. I delivered her drink, she squealed with delight, and she pranced about on her merry way. Ten minutes later, and with the drink half gone, she came back up to the bar and requested I remake the drink with soy because she “like, totally forgot she doesn’t like milk.”

6. Have inappropriate volume control.

Either end of the spectrum is really unnecessary. Shouting at me as if I’m deaf is uncalled for as is whispering inaudibly. The latter happened with startling regularity which would result in me practically lying on the counter top, close enough to qualify as a prom night backseat in an effort to hear an inaudible customer. Speak at a normal volume. Pretend like we’re having a real conversation during a real human interaction.

7. Try to best the barista with your coffee knowledge.

I can’t even count the number of times that I had customers try and “quiz me” on coffee history and terminology in an effort to try and one up me and feel superior to the underpaid barista pulling their espresso. Yes, you obnoxious prat, I know what a true macchiato is. Stop challenging me for the smug satisfaction you might get from smiling pettily at the rest of the coffee line. It only makes me want to spit in your drink.

8. Explain to the barista how to make a basic espresso drink.

I know how to make a freaking latte. Trust me, I’m a professional.

Fun fact: exercise + coffee = vomit. For reals.

9. Make stupid requests about things you want to see in the shop. If you work in a coffee shop, especially when you move higher up in management, you tend to be open to new ideas for ways to improve the business because hey, good ideas can come from anywhere. Stupid ideas, however, are best kept to yourself. I once had a high maintenance regular request we put an exercise bike in the shop so when she wanted to take a study break, she could hope on the bike for five minutes. You want to take a study break? Walk outside. Want to ride an exercise bike? Buy one and study at home.

10. Don’t tip.

It seems that a lot of people are unaccustomed to tipping for coffee which, in a Starbucks world, I get. Why tip someone who pushed a button on a machine? However, if you go to a coffee shop where the baristas manually pull shots and put forth some real effort in your drink, throw them a buck or two. Baristas endure a lot of crap from high maintenance customers and an appreciative tip goes a long way to improving their minimum wage day. Plus, they might stop making fun of you while you write for attention in the shop.

For more ways to piss off your barista, check out Conversations I Want to Have with Customers.

Prize in the Box- How To Break into Comics

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 15:25:39 -0400

Con Season is upon us full swing. With the impeding San Diego Comic Con coming up soon, we decided it was time to drop this gem from last year’s New York City Comic Con. As you’ll remember, then Creative Director Brandon Melendez (now Media Director) interviewed the Rick Bryant, the inker for The New 52’s Action Comics. You’ll also remember that we teased a Part II to that video promising advice from Bill Rosemann and Jason Aaron. Well the time is here, and while it is a little light on Jason Aaron, there is plenty C.B. Cebulski and Bill Rosemann to go around. Enjoy the fruits of our journey through NYCC 2011, where we dared pose the question:

HOW CAN WE BECOME COMIC CREATORS?

(follow the link for video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbSI8J9SfBM

BS'N- The 13 Worst Comic Book Movies EVER

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 09:54:16 -0400

Brandon Melendez, Shawn Abraham, Nick Newert

Brandon: Summer is here! Along with the long lines at the tollbooths and gas stations, you can certainly expect the sweltering and sweaty season to bring long lines at the box office as well. Who doesn’t love a good summer blockbuster? Complete with popcorn, sticky floors, air-conditioning, special effects, and explosions; that’s what it’s all about. In the past decade, no genre has been more of a staple to the summer blockbuster than the super-hero or comic book adaptation. Well, we here at Eat Your Serial love us some comic books—nobody more so than President Shawn Abraham, Executive Senior Editor Nick Newert, and Media Director Brandon Melendez. Occasionally, or quarterly, the triumvirate of trivial trappings will join forces to bring you the “BS’N” blog. In the spirit of the summer blockbuster, these seasoned sultans of snark have prepared their personal lists of the WORST comic book movies ever, which are presented to you in a non-ranked order. Fanboys Assemble!

Shawn: A caveat before I get into my list, I know full well that this isn’t a totally fair representation of the biggest turds of the genre, but I unfortunately (or fortunately as it may be) have never seen gems like Catwoman, Steel, Elektra and Jonah Hex. But I sure have seen some lemons in my day, so lets get to it, to it, to it.

Superman III

Brandon :

It’s a well-known fact that I’m the resident Superman fan around these parts. I hold the character to be the absolute pinnacle of what the genre of superhero comics should be. Unfortunately, all too often the character is mishandled, mistreated, or simply misused. It’s a pretty easy mistake to make for sure. Superman is so damn powerful that it’s hard to challenge him. As such, I’m going to go rather long on this one…

Following the amazingly well done Superman: The Movie and its sequel Superman II, DC seemed to have quite the franchise on their hands. Superman had battled Luthor, Three Kryptonians, and of course, love. Each time coming out on top [rimshot].

So how do you top that? Well, you can’t, but some asshole behind a desk thought it might be a good idea to make another Superman movie and put Richard Pryor in it. Both Superman and Pryor were hot commodities in the 1980s, but what sense did this really make? Let’s take perhaps the biggest boy scout of any character all time and put him together with an edgy, foul-mouthed comic. Oh, and lets give that comic computer skills—that’ll explain everything. This movie really makes no sense whatsoever and is not even so memorable for having Richard Pryor, who at one point skis off the top of a building with a towel wrapped around his neck as a cape, and lands on the street without so much as pissing his pants. And to top it off, let’s just throw in a robot villain/cyborg/bratty sister at the end for one stupefying scene. This is also the film where after being exposed to flawed synthetic kryptonite, Superman fucks bitches, stops shaving, gets drunk, splits into two people (Clark and Evil Superman), and has a throw-down in a junkyard. It’s pretty hilarious, and it was endlessly confusing to me as a child.

If you haven’t seen it, then you’re probably better off. If you’re a die-hard Superman fan you’ll be glad to see Lana Lang in it, but honestly, this movie is really bad. It’s so bad that Margot Kidder didn’t even want to be in it, and I don’t think she’s even done other movies since.

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

Nick:

Brandon might think that Superman III is the worst of the franchise, but I beg to differ. While it is most definitely a bad movie, it’s still better than Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.

Superman III was generally panned by critics, and managed far fewer ticket sales than its predecessors, leading Alexander and Ilya Salkind, the producers of the first three installments, as well as Christopher Reeve to conclude that the franchise had run its course. Four years later, the Salkinds sold the rights for Superman to Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus.

Reeve has said that when approached by Golan & Globus about a fourth installment, they did so without a script or story in mind, just the intentions of getting Reeve to sign on to play Superman again. Initially reluctant, Reeve eventually signed on after the promise of producing any project of his choosing, as well as the possibility of directing a fifth Superman movie if the fourth should prove successful.

Once the ludicrous plot of “Lex Luthor and his nephew Lenny make an evil clone of Superman called Nuclear Man and wacky hijinks ensue” was put into script format, the production had to deal with a budget that was greatly reduced from the previous movies. Superman: The Movie has a budget of $55 million (and remember, this was a movie that came out in 1978, making that a substantial amount), Superman II had $54 million, and the third movie had a budget of $39 million. Superman IV, on the other hand, had a budget of $17 million to work with. So, y’know, less. A LOT less.

Jon Cryer, who was cast as Lenny Luthor, Lex Luthor’s idiot nephew, has said that prior to the release of the movie, Reeve pulled him aside and told him that the movie would be “terrible.” This was certainly a very safe prediction to make, as Cryer also states that the movie ran out of money five months ahead of time, and that the studio ultimately released a movie that wasn’t finished. (The second banana on Two and a Half Men dropping some knowledge on all of us.)

Say what you will about the other movies on my list, at least they were actually completed in the eyes of their casts and crews. Superman IV can’t even make that claim.

Shawn:

I think I can trace my lifelong hatred of Superman to this movie. Hell, you know it’s bad when you can remember seeing a movie as a five year old and recognize it as the superhero movie equivalent of a hate crime. (TRUE STORY: This movie turned me off to Superman and Superman movies that I had no clue which one it actually was… I was just ranting to Nick about how much I hated the Superman movie with the blond evil-electro-Superman and he was able to fill in the gaps that my mind worked so hard to bury deep into my scarred subconscious.)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Shawn:

Ever wonder what made Wolverine such a badass in the X-Men movies? Well, you won’t find the answers in this inept prequel. Hugh Jackman resumes the role he played so well in three previous films and just seems completely uninterested. But the worst parts are the supporting cast of mutants – especially Will.I.Am (??), and a complete bastardization of Deadpool, played by Ryan Reynolds. Who’s Deadpool you may ask? He’s only one of the most insanely entertaining comic characters of all time. But he’s not in the movie… no matter what the credits tell you.

The Spirit

Nick:

I guess that this one shouldn’t have really been a surprise to me. While Sin City was a damn good movie, it was also a pretty good adaptation of standalone stories and had Robert Rodriguez as director. Yes, Frank Miller shared directing credits with Rodriguez on Sin City, but that was based mostly on the heavy use of recreating panels from the comic book, and directing is about far more than just setting up what the shot looks like.

This was Miller’s first solo job as a director. Actually, he was writer-director on this movie, and it shows. Miller took Will Eisner’s classic, iconic character and setting and all but tossed that aside to make something in the vein of Sin City, and that is not a good fit at all.

Any Punisher Movie Ever

Brandon:

Whether it’s The Punisher with Dolph Londron, or The Punisher with Thomas Jane, or Punisher War Journal, Hollywood just can’t seem to get this franchise right. The Punisher is a relatively easy character to make a movie with: gangsters kill his family and now he kills gangsters. The formula is so easy that I don’t know why it wasn’t a prime candidate for a series instead of Blade (shudder). Give it to Tarrentino, or give it to John Wu, hell, give it to Michael Bay and you’d have gotten a better movie than the drivel that has been put out. Whether it’s just fucking up the origin, or having no budget, or just having really bad directorial choices coupled with bad accents, it just seems like no one can ever get the damn thing going. I even asked at the Cup O’ Joe panel at the NY Comicon 2010 why they can’t get it right to all the Marvel bigwigs—they had no answer. The panel just hung their heads in shame while citing licensing agreements.

The only good thing any of these movies ever had to offer was in The Punisher with Thomas Jane. Instead of just killing Frank Castle’s wife and kids, his entire extended family was murdered at a reunion. Naturally, the reunion was held at a location where there just happened to be a cache of guns for the Castle men to fight back with. That scene was badass and it bumped all three of these movies up a rung on this list. Bah.

Fantastic Four

Shawn:

Fantastic Four is a tough enough concept to swallow in the wacky world of comic books, but when they get it right, it’s an amazing science fiction adventure with a lot of heart, and a great cast of characters with strong familial bonds.

The movie however, has none of that to show. Sure Jessica Alba is hot, and I’m pretty sure Chris Evans is good in everything he’s in, but the movie commits the biggest sin a big budget summer comic flick can commit: It’s painfully boring. The plot is entirely unmemorable (seriously, I don’t remember anything about it), the casting is just completely off (with the exception of the aforementioned Mr. Evans), and they managed to completely neuter one of the most complex and badass villains in comics with a completely lame Dr. Doom.

But fear not true believers, rumor has it that a Fantastic Four reboot is on the horizon, being helmed by the director behind the ahhem… fantastic film Chronicle, which is one of the best and most creative “super hero” movies to come along in a damn long time.

(Addendum)

Nick:

I’m not referring to the 2005 Fantastic Four, I’m referring to the 1994 one. Yeah, you’re not alone, almost no one has heard of it.

This was a movie with a $1.5 million budget that was made solely to retain the Fantastic Four movie rights, and the producers never intended to release, which is something that the cast and crew was never informed of. I’ve seen it, and it’s awful. I don’t really know what more I can say about it that wouldn’t be beating a dead horse.

Captain America

Brandon:

Slow down, before you get your panties all in a bunch let me be clear, I am not talking about Captain America: The First Avenger. What I am talking about is the absolutely terrible movie Captain America from the early 90s. From the costumes, to the writing, to the cheesey effects, this movie was terrible with a capitol “T.” I don’t even know where to begin with this one really—is it with the President of the United States who ended up being Captain America’s side kick? Was it the downright awful acting? No. I know where to start.

The Red Skull was Italian.

DID YOU READ THAT? I SAID HE WAS ITALIAN!

There is no godly reason to every make the Red Skull into an Italian. Even in the recent movie, when they kind of white-washed the fact that he was a Nazi with all the Hydra bullsheeeeeeeeeeeet, he was still German, still implied as a Nazi, and still answered to Da Furor. I mean, it’s not even like the 90s film changed him to be some non-axis power, it’s not like they changed him to be a more updated kind of American enemy. No. They made him Italian…FOR NO REASON. Honestly, that’s why I chose this movie over Steel or Supergirl…HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THOSE MOVIES? Well, this is worse.

The movie actually has a piano that shoots missiles off of a cliff. Which is awesome for a joke, but this was serious. I just…it’s just…I can’t with this. Red Skull is Italian, might as well make Baron Zemo a Cajun. Sheesh.

Catwoman:

Nick:

One of the nice advantages that Warner Brothers has when it comes to making movie adaptations of comic book characters is that they own DC Comics, and thus the rights to make movies based on DC characters. You want to make a movie about Batman? You go right ahead, and feel free to use any characters associated with Batman while you’re at it.

I don’t know why no one bothered to tell the people behind Catwoman that they could use Selina Kyle, her character history, and even connect her to Batman in some way, because this movie has absolutely nothing to do with the comic book character of Catwoman other than, y’know, being called Catwoman.

Instead of Selina Kyle, expert cat burglar, we get Patience Phillips, cosmetic company graphic designer. We also get cat-based superpowers that are gifted to Patience by an Egyptian goddess Bast, as well as a thirst for justice. It’s exactly like the comic book version of Catwoman, except not at all like her in the least.

Add to the awful concept a incredibly stupid script that makes little to no sense, and you have an awful, awful comic book movie.

Ghost Rider

Brandon:

The movie adaptation of Ghost Rider is awful, but the character is the shit. He’s a man possessed by a demon who rides a motorcycle for justice. Oh yeah, and his head is a goddamned flaming skull that talks. How do you fuck this up? Well, first off, you get Nick Cage involved. It’s a well-known fact that Nick Cage has been trying to get into comic book movies his whole career. The “Cage” in his name was taken from Power Man’s Luke Cage, and honestly, having Nick starting in a movie as Luke Cage, who happens to be a very, very black character, would probably have been better than Ghost Rider. I’m actually a little horrified to even talk about it, and it’s almost painful to bring up the repressed memories. In the film, the big bad guy, Blackheart, who just happens to be the son of the damn devil, is an emo interpretation of the character by the same actor who played the weirdo who loved the bag in American Beauty. To help top it off, the flaming skull routine apparently translates to heat as Johnny Blaze (Nicholas Cage), drinks a pot of coffee out of the carafe. By the time Donald Sutherland shows up as the cowboy Ghost Rider of the Wild West, I had checked out so far that I have yet to come back.

Spider-Man 3

Shawn:

It’s a rare feat for a movie to be so bad that it just completely ruins the rest of the series by association. The Matrix sequels did it, the Star Wars prequels did it, and then there was this abomination. Spider-Man 3. A movie that managed to not only undermine every success of Sam Raimi’s previous two films, but also squander the potential of every character contained within. From Sandman being revealed as the guy who killed Uncle Ben (DUMB!) to the misuse of Harry Osborn’s entire character arc (DUMB!), to the way they handled any potential coolness of Venom (DUMB!), and not to mention the abomination that was singing-dancing-emo Peter Parker (BEYOND DUMB!).

When I first saw this movie, I was dumbfounded that THAT was how they decided to portray an alien parasite turning Peter Parker evil. Dancing? Emo-hair? What? But I guess looking back at it, it succeeded at making me hate. It made me loathe this movie with the power of a thousand burning fan boys.

It hurts just THINKING about this movie. It makes me wonder how I ever enjoyed Spider-Man 1 and 2, both of which I find unwatchable now because it just brings up memories of the Osborn’s loyal butler Expositionsworth’s appearance from out of nowhere to explain to Harry Osborn… well… everything… because the writers couldn’t be bothered to try even a little bit.

I’m going to stop now before I put my fist through my laptop screen. Let’s see if there’s any redemption in store for big screen Spidey when Amazing Spider-Man drops next month. I know I hope so, but I’m not sure I’m emotionally ready to open my heart to it.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Nick:

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen takes one of my favorite high concepts, a group of 19^th century literary characters made into what is essentially a superhero team, and turns it into a rather generic action movie.

The comic series’ creator, Alan Moore, brings together an almost incalculable number of characters and settings from hundreds of different pieces of literature. While a person can read the series without knowing any of the material that it draws on, those that do know their British literature are greatly rewarded. For them, the series will seem all the richer and spellbinding during moments like the reveal that the man in charge of MI5 is none other than Professor James Moriarty, nemesis of Sherlock Holmes, who is ultimately succeeded by Sherlock’s brother, Mycroft.

The movie just shoves characters that happen to have the same names as literary characters used in the comic book, add Secret Service agent Tom Sawyer, and proceeds to be a somewhat uninteresting action film with hints of steampunk.

Want further proof it was a bad movie? In interviews, Sean Connery has alluded to the difficult production of the film and constant fighting with the director as being the event that ultimately led him to retiring from film. What I’m saying is, THIS MOVIE KILLED JAMES BOND! Even Blofeld couldn’t pull that off!

Batman and Robin

Brandon:

In this superhero crapsterpeice, by Joel Shitmaker, George f’in Clooney is Batman (equipped with silver nipples, no jaw, and a grin). He spends the movie fighting Arnold Schwarzenegger, as a Mr. Freeze who constantly makes ice puns, and Uma Thurman, who is the worst possible interpretation of Poison Ivy, ever. Rounding out the cast are Chris O’Donnell, as the way-to-old-to-be-a-boy Robin, and Alicia Silverstone, as an eight-pounds-too-much Batgirl.

The plot of this movie, which I won’t bore you with, is actually the least of my problems with this awful, awful movie. What really bothers me are the directorial choices; such as the neon lighting, the sliver nipples (OR ANY NIPPLES AT ALL!) on the Bat-suit, the horrible off-off-off Broadway middle school line delivery, and the casting. None of these characters make any sense for any of these roles. Except, perhaps, Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, but only because she was quite the hot commodity at the time (although, she never really did it for me). This movie ruined an otherwise passable franchise that lasted almost 10 years. Personally, I feel like it set Batman back worse than Adam West. At least Adam West had the 60s as an excuse.

Shawn:

Now for a change, I’m going to sing the praises of a movie. See, Batman and Robin generally catches a lot of flack for being the worst superhero movie of all time, and well… that’s pretty well deserved (caughcaughrubbernipplescaughcaughgeorgeclooneycaughcaughALICIASILVERSTONE)… but there’s a reason it doesn’t make number one. (Heh…)

And that reason is Arnold Fucking Schwartzenegger. Seriously, just watch this clip of his one-liners from the movie. Yeah, you’re welcome.

Science at Odds- Are We There Yet?

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 06:15:03 -0400

by Jon Weiss

Navigators High on Spice, Warp Fields and Faster Than Light travel have all been staples of space travel for over 50 years. These mythical methods of transportation promise travel to the stars either in the blink of an eye or certainly before afternoon Tea Time. Some are based on existing science and others are based on fantastical whims of theories not yet possible.

I’m sure Dune wasn’t the first science fiction series to discuss spaceflight across half a galaxy in the blink of an eye, but it is one of the earliest most prolific examples. While most stories talked about ‘rocket engines’ blasting off for the stars, within the Guild ships, Navigators, high off their gourd on ‘Spice,’ guided massive vessels (with the aid of some sort of engine technology) to appear elsewhere in the universe. At the time in science fiction, this was a fantastical leap forward from the existing technologies.

Thanks to some fine German engineering (and engineers) taken as spoils of war from the Nazis, the United States came to acquire rocket technology in the shadow of WWII. The same principals are still used today to launch satellites atop rockets and people into space. These have been responsible for landing a man (men) on the moon, a global telecommunications network, and are the hope for landing people on mars (robots are already there having fun).

The basis for these rockets is pretty similar; use some sort of combustible propellant, either liquid oxygen (LOX) or Hydrogen gas, and ignite the crap out of it in a controlled manner, which is able to be focused and provide tons of lift thrust. This by no means is the simplest or safest way to get into space, but it is the only viable way to obtain orbit with heavy payloads.

Recently, we have seen success with Spaceship One, which is now owned by Virgin Galactic, and it’s big sister Spaceship Two. These small vessels take off like planes, then when high enough, its winged carrier lets go and it rockets itself up to low earth orbit. This saves a lot of money on fuel, as it is easier to launch something into orbit moving at a high altitude than stationary on earth. These vehicles will fly commercially in the next few years and hopefully bring (limited) ‘space flight’ to the (wealthy) masses. Although this is a far cry from taking your starship at warp speed to the neutral zone and blasting away at some Romulans, it’s a beginning to having accessible methods to get off this rock.

According to Stephen Hawking and many leading thinkers, deep space and interplanetary travel are the eventual aim of humanity if we hope to survive. We put all our eggs in one basket living on earth. Spreading out like seeds to the far reaches of the universe will help ensure our survival in one way or another. And for this we need to not only escape Earth, but we need to approach and land on other heavenly bodies.

Project Orion Nucler Explosion Propulsion painting.

In the 1950s, American scientists tried to figure out how they could send man into deep space with limited fuel. It was found that rocket fuel would run out and coasting at a constant speed wasn’t good enough for timely transport. Their answer was Project Orion. This was as ingenious as it was dangerous, and stupid! The idea was to use the most potent source of energy known at the time, nuclear weapons, to propel spacecraft. The idea was that they would literally drop a bomb out of the back of the space craft and have some sort of surface on the back of the ship that would be slammed by the nuclear shockwave when the weapon detonated. Can you imagine successively dropping hundreds of nuclear weapons in space as you go and exploding them for the sole purpose of propulsion? If the crew didn’t die from radiation in the first 10 minutes, space routes would be littered with radioactive waste. Although, this would theoretically allow a craft to travel at 5% the speed of light and reach the nearest star, not that there is anything there, in a paltry 85 years). Fortunately, we think “green” these days and don’t want to kill our astronauts.

There are some pretty amazing technologies coming to fruition in the next few years that will offer quick transport for people and resources within our solar system.

Conception of Solar Sail Powered Vehicle

One extremely promising technology is that of the solar sail. Imagine a vessel that wne launched and in space unfurls large sails that, similar to a sailboat catching wind, catch solar wind and particles. The shiny surface of the sail does not absorb solar wind and particles, but rather reflect these winds back towards the sun. Albeit slow to begin, but with no air resistance, a solar sail could pick out speed and go long distances with no fuel or a depletion of consumables. These sails have already been tested and seem to work well. The next step is actually using them transport things away from the center of the solar system. This seems like a very interesting technology, but when one thinks about the return trip, and the inability to use it to move towards the center of the solar system, it loses its attractiveness.

A new sexy technology that that has high hopes for interplanetary travel is the ion engine. This futuristic sounding technology was mentioned as far back as the original Star Trek series, being hailed as ‘more advanced’ than anything the Enterprise had, even thought the idea goes back to the turn of the 20^th century. Although this engine can’t go anywhere near the speed of light, it is a leap forward in propulsion technology. By utilizing only electricity and not fuel, they can be kept running for far longer, either in craft powered by nuclear or solar power. An in the end, slow but steady could win the race.

A 2MW solar powered lunar tug concept using 4 VASIMR® engines

A new version of this propulsion system, VASIMR by Astra Rocket Company, hopes to allow astronauts to travel to Mars in about 39 days as opposed to six months by traditional rocket. That’s just a little over a month until we would reach another planet. This is shorter than most voyages people took to discover the new world and travel to the Far East from Europe. This engine will be tested in space sometime in 2013, and will hopefully help to assure it’s usage as a quick, reliable and safe method to reach the other planets of our solar system.

With exciting projects such as the newly formed company Planetary Resources started by James Cameron, Eric Schmidt and others, we need faster ways to reach objects in our celestial neighborhood. We also need to be able to transport people and massive amounts of resources in a timely manner in order to a resource hungry planet that is quickly running out of resources required to maintain an advancing civilization. Although we don’t yet have the ability to travel to the stars in a timely manner, we still have a lot of exploring to do in our neck of the woods and are slowly progressing to the point where we can not only see, but also touch our nearest neighbors.

The Dao of Ninjape- The Way

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 07:20:03 -0400

The Dao of Ninjape- The Way

App'n Crunch- Top Photography Apps

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 06:00:00 -0400

Welcome back to App n’Crunch, where the epaulets and monocles are abundant! Or something like that. Anyway, with summer finally upon us, I’ve put together an especially fancy column for you guys. But first, there’s my obligatory yammering about the theme for these particular apps, and expounding upon the history of photography and its current state. If you’re not cool with anything mentioned in the previous sentence, just drop down to the apps. Really, I won’t be mad. Go ahead. Don’t bother with the next few paragraphs. See you in a couple of scrolls, friends.

Now that the traitors and deserters are gone, we loyal folk can discuss the arts and technologies! I jest. But moving right along, I specifically compiled a list of photography apps to celebrate the capture and development of the first photograph, which occurred in the summer of 1826. This summer marks the 186^th year since that fateful day—which is actually kind of amazing if you think about it. Mankind has been freezing moments in time for nearly two centuries. That’s a hell of a long time. I mean, not as long as man has been making fire, but photography is older than the first telegraph message ever sent, the model-T car, and the Brooklyn Bridge. (Props for anyone who can tell me the correct years of all of those happenings without using Google.)

The first photograph was taken by Joseph Niepce at his country house in Saint-Loup-de-Varennes, France. He used a camera obscura with an exposure time of about 8 hours. (a camera obscura is a box that emits light through a small hole on one side). As light passes through the hole, an image is reproduced on the adjacent wall inside of the box with accurate color and detail, albeit upside down. The image can either be traced or projected on to light sensitive plates or paper. It’s all really complex, you see. Niepce used a pewter plate, and when he exhibited his photograph to the Royal Society of London in 1827, he described his process as “heliography,” or sun drawing.

Niepce’s first photograph. Courtesy of National Geographic

We’ve come a long way since heliography, and it’s taken all 186 years of tweaking and slight improvements of photography equipment and development processes to get where we are today. In fact, the meaning of photos has changed for us just as drastically as the photographic process has itself. In the early days of photography, there were many people who only had their photographs taken once, and it was after their death, for memory’s sake. For those who did get their portraits made while they still had a pulse, it was an all-day event, one where braces were typically used to help keep a person still during the long exposure times. Soon, photography was recognized as a form of artistic expression, and photographers experimented with different techniques and methods. For this, we have Man Ray, Ansel Adams, Dorothea Lange, and so many more.

As camera use became more widespread in the last half of the 20^th century, photographs became a way to capture the fleeting moments of birthday parties, Christmas mornings, and graduations. Rolls of film were slipped into envelopes and developed in massive machines. Picking up photographs was exciting—you never knew exactly how your pictures would turn out. Did I have my eyes closed in that one? Was I able to catch the lighting just right in this one?

Today, we have an exposure and development time of instant. Our memories are stored on SD cards, in Facebook photo albums, and on camera phone photo rolls. A lot of us don’t even print photographs anymore, and the family albums we look at now are intangible, floating about in the shapeless space of the Internet. My mother and grandmother have tons of giant plastic bins filled to the brim with photographs, documenting so many lives from start to finish, and I only have a about a dozen that I can hold in my hand. I’m not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it just feels good to hold a photograph, to feel the featherweight of it. Sometimes pixels just can’t do the thing justice.

Even still, camera phone photography plays a large role in most people’s photo taking, so I’ve selected some photography apps to help you get the most out of your mobile snaps. There are even a couple of apps that will prove useful for the old school analog guys! Without further ado:

PostalPix for iPhone and iPad

Remember how I was just saying that a lot of us don’t print photos anymore? Well, once you have this app, you can totally forget that statement. PostalPix allows you to print any photo stored on your camera roll (yes, this means the 50 photos that you took of every meal you ate last week). The one downside is that you can’t print directly from Instagram or Flickr, but hopefully the developers will change that soon (ahem). As for the photos, you have the option of printing the traditional 4x6, 5x7, and 8x10 sizes, or you can opt for 4-inch, 5-inch, or 8-inch squares. In addition to printing on paper, PostalPix prints on aluminum for as low as $7.99. You can even make a mousepad out of that cute picture you took of your cat. You simply register, select your photos, select the sizes, and pay via credit card. Within a week, your prints are delivered to your door. I ordered 7 4x4 squares and paid less than $3 including shipping and handling. Insane, right? Go print your photos before PostalPix comes to their senses and starts charging more.

FREE at the App Store

WordFoto for iPhone and iPad

Once I tried to make a word collage of my face using Photoshop, and man, did it take a long time. I’m all for slaving over photo editing programs every now and then, but sometimes I just want instant gratification. Hey, some people would say that’s what is wrong with America today, but you know what I say? YOU try fitting in two hours of photo editing a day so YOU can have a kickass profile picture and see how far you get. Anyway, this is a novel app that allows you to create a word collage from a photo you took. Just don’t use it too much—your friends will get sick of seeing your WordFotos.

$1.99 at the App Store

Shotlist Assist for iPhone and iPad

This app is for professionals or someone who is very deeply invested in hobbies of photography and filmmaking. Primarily, this app is used to document shoot presets as well as visual configurations of lighting and camera positioning, so you know exactly how to set up a shot when you need to. The information is easily exported into Excel with the tap of a button, so you can keep track of all of your shoots.

$4.99 at the App Store

Courtesy of Intricate Media

PhotoTropedelic for iPhone and iPad

PhotoTropedelic is the go-to app for people who hate the muted colors of Instagram and really just love to have their eyes assaulted. But you know, in a good way. This app draws around psychedelic art of the 1960s to turn your average photo into something bold and unique—plus the process itself is pretty fun to watch. Before running your photo through the image processor, you can edit it by adding effects and text, removing redeye, whitening your teeth, plus all the normal stuff like cropping and contrast. If you don’t like the way it turned out, simply go to the settings and adjust the detail level and number of colors until you come out with something you love. An in-app upgrade for custom colors is also available for only $0.99.

$1.99 at the App Store

Lens Lab for iPhone and iPad

For those of us who use single lens reflex (SLR) cameras, whether digital or analog, Lens Lab is one of the best depth of field calculators out there, and by far the best depth of field app ever created. For novice photographers looking to move away from auto functions, this app is perfect because it graphically illustrates (and very well at that) the relation between focal distance, focal lens, and aperture in your field of view, so it’s easy to get a visual of what your photo may look like if you choose certain settings. For seasoned photographers, this app is the perfect tool for quickly planning out your shot.

$1.99 at the App Store

The Photographer’s Ephemeris for iPhone, iPad, and Android

At nearly nine big ones, you’re probably asking yourself, why the hell would anyone ever buy a photography app for that much money? The answer: BECAUSE IT’S THE BOMB. The Photographer’s Ephemeris (ephemeris = log of astronomical objects’ placements in the sky at a certain time) is only for those who are seriously into photography, especially landscape and urban photographers. This app helps photographers plan outdoor shoots by determining the location of the sun and moon for best lighting, compensating for elevation above the horizon, and times of twilight. You can simply search for the location where you are shooting, or drag a pin there, and locations are easily saved for future shoots.

$8.99 at the App Store and $4.99 at the Google Play Store

Courtesy of Crookneck Consulting LLC

Snapseed for iPhone and iPad

This is basically the deluxe version of Instagram. While Instagram appeals to those who like to pick the best vintage filter then call themselves artsy, Snapseed appeals to those who actually want to make a photo look the best it can. There are no filters with set algorithms here; you may choose a filter then simply slide your finger across the photo to increase or decrease the intensity of said filter. Also, you are able to sharpen, crop, straighten the image, implement tilt-shift, and add borders, all with a tap and slide. Make your photos look artsy AND good, people.

$4.99 at the App Store

GifBoom for iPhone, iPad, and Android

Everyone loves gifs. Simple as that. Now with GifBoom, you can create your own. The only thing I found slightly annoying about this app was its attempt to market itself as the Flickr of gifs. To be expected, this only leads to the GifBoom homepage flooded with trillions of gifs of teenagers showing off how “hawt” they are. I understand this is a plus for a lot of folks (just remember: look, don’t touch), but I just want to see gifs of cute puppies and people falling on their faces. Is that too much to ask? Anyway, aside from that one little annoyance, this app is pretty brilliantly executed. It offers Instagram-esque filters, borders, and text addition; not to mention, you can change the speed of the gif and crop it to your liking.

FREE at the App Store and FREE at the Google Play Store

GroupShot for iPhone and iPad
You’ve got that one friend who always ruins the whole picture for everyone by accidentally blinking, right? Never again. With GroupShot, you take multiple pictures of the group then take the best parts of each to create one flawless photo. Of course, it’s sort of creepy that reality is now altered, but at least everyone will be happy that they didn’t look ugly.

$0.99 at the App Store

Aspect for iPhone and iPad

Cleanly designed, this app is for people who don’t mind the idea of camera phone photography as legitimate art. Aspect displays a daily photograph taken only with an iPhone or iPad. Users may star their favorites or click on the information button to learn more about the photograph, like how it was taken or what photo editing tools were used. Users are also encouraged to submit their own photographs and have the option of sharing on Facebook, Twitter, or via email.

FREE at the App Store

Honorable mentions: Incredibooth ($0.99; iPhone and iPad) and iDarkroom HD ($1.99; iPad)

Do you have better apps? Leave a comment below!

A TRUE CLASSIC

Sun, 24 Jun 2012 19:28:01 -0400

A TRUE CLASSIC

Inventing Through Venting- The Lost Art of the Freestyling

Sun, 24 Jun 2012 05:31:44 -0400

by Marc Polite

Sometimes, you have to wait for the smoke to clear in order to truly assess something in a correct manner. By now, I am sure many of you have heard of the Canibus debacle. For those that may not have, here is the long, and short of it. Canibus, who is an established recording artist with 11 albums under his belt, decided on June 9^th to hop in the ring with Dizaster, a previously relatively unknown rapper in the underground freestyle battle circuit. The results of this battle shocked the hip hop world. Canibus came out as the loser, being completely bested by Dizaster. It wasn’t even close. It came to be the stuff of legend, as Canibus would forfeit the battle, pulling out a notepad because he couldn’t remember his rhymes. http://blog.the-coli.com/the-canibus-dizaster/

It became a meme online. Canibus, the greatest battle rapper of the past 15 years, forgot his bars. It was the joke of the past couple of weeks. It shows that Masta Bus, the mechanical mandible, was completely unprepared to rip it, and the results were disastrous. While many can argue whether or not Canibus is done as an artist, I want to use this instance to point out one thing. The definition of freestyle has changed, and it is not what it used to be.

This is an opportunity to illustrate that the state of freestyling is pretty much dead in the rap game. True freestyle is not carried out. Nowadays, everyone is remembering stuff they write down, and weaving it in to their rhyme schemes along with personal jabs and off color jokes. No one goes into an a cappella freestyle battle nowadays going completely off the top. In today’s battle rap terrain, there are a number of rappers who skillfully work in rhyme schemes laced with jokes, double entendre, and put downs.

There is a reason why no one freestyles. Who would risk walking into a battle unprepared? If you can think of and memorize hard punch lines before the battle, learn about your opponents beforehand, why wouldn’t you? Would you go to war with no weapons? So, everybody lyrically arms up, and the primary emphasis is on getting the win, not proving who is nicer off the top of the head.

When you are a recording artist, you can have your own lines used against you. Much like what happened in this battle. Also factor in, that the crowd is being played in a battle, and who came the hardest is often determined by who won over the crowd. Why risk freestyling in this context when you can wow the crowd? Freestyle in the traditional sense is spontaneously rhyming and improvising while using stuff around you, and talking about any and everything.

What I am essentially saying is that the battle element has become more important, and the freestyle element has taken a back seat. It’s really not about the skill of the rapper nowadays. The underground battle rap scene has more in common with WildN’Out than the traditional Lyricist Lounge format.

Canibus and Dizaster are from two different eras. The freestyle game is changed from when Canibus was on the underground circuit back in the mid-90s Canibus was saying stuff in general that could have sounded like he was going against anybody. That is really his style of rap, while Dizaster is personal, in your face, and all his lines were aimed directly at Canibus.

In my opinion, the outcome of this battle does not invalidate the things that Canibus has done in hip hop.

And a note to those of you out there who think Canibus is “done” because of this battle, you’re wrong. Even though Bis completely imploded during the event, and embarrassed himself by pulling out a notepad, he’s not done. One battle gone wrong does not erase 14 years in the game, 11 albums, countless mix-tape appearances, and not to mention several collaboration albums.

The only thing we can say now, is that he doesn’t have to credibility to spit battle tracks like that anymore, but there is still his scientific, futuristic subject matter to continue on with. Although Hitler was extremely disappointed, and will throw away his copy of Rip The Jacker, I wont be.

I’ll still be checking for Rip The Jacker 2, and the album after that. I just will be smirking a little bit if he still talks about being the “illest.”

Most importantly, if you remember only one thing from this post, let it be this: don’t forget your bars.

See the video: http://youtu.be/l9KjsBIsr2g

http://www.kingofthedot.com/content.php?462-In-Depth-look-at-Canibus-vs-Dizaster-by-The-Mast

(Before the battle, a blogger predicts Dizaster will win)